Discussions
Fictitious Biblically Based $e% Positions
Posted by Agit8r • 5/14/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: biblical sex, song of solomon, whoopi positions
I'll start:
"The Rapture"
User Comments
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The Noah's Ark-
Sawing the Gopherwood?
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(Best.thread.ever)
The Pillar of Salt -
"The Forbidden Fruit" -
The Lion's Den
(I'm so going to hell
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The Moses and the Parted Sea -
Jonah and the Whale
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The Leviathan-
nice
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The Second Coming
(Sorry, I had to)-
HAHA
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The Ten Cu ... erm, Commandments.
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haha
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lmao all
...The image of the Beast -
The Burning Bush
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hahah!
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ouch!
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haha! that's good
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The Staff of Moses
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David and Goliath
(I feel this one involves a strap-on)-
Peed my pants...seriously!
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Hardening Pharoah's Heart
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Prostrate before Mountain
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The Parable of the Talents
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The Great Catch of Fish
*runs*-
ahahahahahahaha
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The Seven Plagues (or were there more?).
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Driving the Camel Through the Eye of the Needle
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wowsers...
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The Last Supper
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The Great Flood
(that's kinda kinky...niche stuff)-
that's right up there with the Cup of Cool Water
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Sermon on the MOUNT
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Lazarus Return From The Dead
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The Raising of Lazarus
(whoops!)-
Hahaha!
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Sewing the Wheat With the Tares
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The Immaculate Erection
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That is cheating...
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Sodom and Gomorrah
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The Tower of Babel
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The Rape of Tamar?
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The Holey of Holies
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The Pearly Gates
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nice
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Job (preceded by a body part or action)
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Cedar of Lebanon
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The Strength of Samson
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All of One Mind
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The Original Sin
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I Am (fill in with sexual preference of choice)
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Annointing his Head
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good one!
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The Baptism of "John"
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ha!
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Whipping the Moneychangers
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WTF!
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Stoning
(oh wait, that's what you do after the sex) -
The Holy Ark
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The feeding of the Five thousand
(group event)-
what are "loaves" and "fishes" euphamisms for?
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The dance of the seven veils
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The Kosher Laws
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The Holy Ghost
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The "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR PARTICIPATING IN THIS THREAD!"
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tell me you're not tempted to try a couple of these out...
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I already said that about myself way up there somewhere. Won't you join me?
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roflmao
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East winds blow Job. -
The "You're All Going To---
Oh, great. -
Squeezed by the Angel
..oh wait, that's from the Koran
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I hope you have a safehouse...
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that's one way to get blog comments... not the good kind, but comments nonetheless
*checks to make sure that unspunomer isn't reading this thread*
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In the Beginning
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Turning water into wine
(again...quite niche) -
What a dunce! It's taken me twenty minutes and 50 Entries to realize what $e% stands for.
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Hahaha!! I must just come natural to you.
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Apparently, Se% doesn't!
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Sure it does.
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the handwriting on the wall
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The Turtoise and the Hare
...oh wait, wrong book.-
hahaha
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Samson and Delilah
(hair fetishes) -
Riding the Donkey into Jerusalem
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hahaha
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The Whore of Babylon
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David and Bathsheba
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Oh My God
What, like you've never said it. -
(where are the kinky Christians when you need them? I'm running out of biblical knowledge!)
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I have some gnome quotations to punish Agit8r for starting yet another sordid, prurient thread.
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This is officially my favourite BC thread...and I will be very very sad when the admins delete it!
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I concur.
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Bad rose. You don't have to work "blue."
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Palm Sunday
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more of a solo position, eh?
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Of course.
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that was in the "self-gratifying favorites" thread too
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Curing the Blind
(if ya get me..)-
I've done that before.
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haha!
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The assent to heaven
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Chiseling the Stones -
FIRE IN THE BUSH
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He Who Cast The First Stone
(was the lucky one) -
Sinning In Eden's Garden
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The Talking Snake
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Oh Come All Ye Faithful
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Haha!
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Unanswered Prayers
(well he won't be getting a call back)-
hahahaha
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Eating the Apple
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Doing the Cross
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*curses Agit8r for now seeing innuendo in everything she reads*
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I had this when he started the kama sutra thread! Drove me insane!
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The Three Wise Men
Now they knew what they were doing. -
The star of david
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OK - I've been done in...
Reverse CowGirl? Standing T?
christiannymphos.org/2008/07/31/specific-sexual-positions/
I cannot Compete...-
oh wow...I'm not sure I wanted to be aware of that site...
Oh dear god! she has made people out of play-dough to demonstrate... *vomits* -
It shook me up for a moment too.
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I've somehow lost my har...well, you know.
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yeah...kind of took the zing out of this thread...typical Christians ruining our kinky bible sex!!
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I just Freaking spit YESTERDAY's Doctor Pepper out of my nose - on that comment.
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I QUOTE:
"Comment by XXXXX on February 8, 2008 5:37 pm
I must say… She and I are found of something like this… however, when we do it, we are both lying down… me on my side, my legs around one of Hers and Her other one up over my waist… kinda… hard to describe, but a JOY to do!!"
A joy... yes... A joy... -
I just puked dinner from two days ago.
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hahahahaha
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The Big Bang?
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Oh ok - FINE --- Anyone else?
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I suppose we have to do science sex now...hmmm...
Schroedinger's cat ? -
The Test Tube
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Bunsen Burner
(cold camp sex)-
ooooh...
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The Periodic Table
(ok...these are just gross, not sexy!)-
Usually period and sex do not go well together.
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LMAO uhmmm Try RECIPE Sex...
Like:
Chicken Cacciatore
(The spicy one) -
Patty Cake
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Toad in the hole
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Snickerdoodles
He was rather er...small.-
hahaha
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Dang! I'm too late for Cain and Abel $e%, completely missed the opportunity to fill my beaker, and now we're already on cake?! [sigh] I'm going to bed. -
Pounding the Dough and Letting it Rise
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*sigh* I'm just not feeling the culinary sex...
hmm... *ponders new idea*-
Start a new thread...the idea will get lost here.
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the idea already get lost in my brain... I saw something shiny and got distracted!
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*giggle* yep. Shiny does it to me too.
Sparkly. -
coveting thee neighbor's ass -
Do UNTO others
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Turn the other cheek ?
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I love this thread.
Also, in regards to science-related ones: The superposition.-
Where were you when we needed you?!
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Being a deadbeat.
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Well be a deadbeat here, ok!
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Cannot comply. WoW beckons.
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Ah...I lost a friend to WoW once...I miss her...
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I'm playing with a friend and only three nights per week.
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o_O
ahem... -
Friends with benefits?
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Oh crap I forgot I'm in the sexual innuendo thread.
[Friends with benefits?]
Nothing like that at all. Besides, he's a dude and we're both hetero. -
Okay!
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The Overlay
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JOSEPH AND HIS COAT OF MANY COLORS -
The twelve disciples. (Bukkake.)
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The, uh ... Crucifixion?
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Nailing [pronoun] to the cross.
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hahahaha
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Did Sodom and Gomorrah get mentioned yet or Lots cave...
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Yes.
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The Noodly Appendages
Oh, wait. That's another book. -
The circumcision.
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The Rising
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The seven-headed beast?
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The Apocalypse (yet to be performed by anyone without deadly consequences)
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Moses's snake staff?
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Parting the Waters
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Feeding Fish
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Jonas and the Whale?
(Yes, these ARE getting increasingly bizarre.)-
These have been done, my friend! look up!
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Oh fiddlesticks!
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You'll have to get out your bible and have a thumb through...
ahem.. -
Hahaha.
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Turning Water Into Wine
(cause you all know how wet things get)-
I already did that one...you guys are late!
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The Crossing of the Red Sea
Er, yeah. -
The fall of Jericho?
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Actually that one's really late! Frank Capra used that one in 1934!!
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They have medication for that problem.
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Stations of the Cross?
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The flaming chariot?
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And on the Seventh Day...
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The Passover -
Isaac Begat Jacob
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The Beheading of Holofernes
Ouch! -
Dance of the Seven Veils
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been there...you guys! gah!
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What about ^ Isaac Begat Jacob!
Comedy gold! -
I did like that...(might have forgotten to post a reply because I went off in a daydream)
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the legion - for we are many -
the forbidden fruit
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In 7 Days God Created the World
And 7 inches you can create mine-
soooper..
best one yet -
Only 7?
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It's not how deep you fish.. It's about how you wriggle your worm..
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wedding in canaan -
Casting out the Demons
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Deutoronomy
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exodus
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The Asheroth Pole
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The Tower of Babel
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FOURINCHGIVENESS
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Cain and Abel
One was great, the other just watched. -
Oh YE of Little Faith
(commentary on the size) -
amazing! after 15 hours, this thread is still at it... -
Of course...
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The Mount of Olives
I'm not a fan of food fetishes. -
Snake in the Garden
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daniel in the lion's den
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The Multitude
I heart multiples! -
Enter the John the babtist Wet t-shirt contest. Sponsored by HONEY, the original food of foreplay. First prize Eternal Life runners up will be stoned. Sign up now!
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The Widow's Mite
Old ladies need lovin' too. -
the red sea parting
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The "Get ye Behind Me, Satan"
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lol, *bump*
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Spare Not Thy ROD
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Laying on the Hands
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laid in a manger -
Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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OMG...Is that a promise?
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Temple of Doom...oh wait...
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The Serpent and the Apple.
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Walking on Water
Now there's a man with promise! -
The Gift of TONGUES
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snake handling
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The Triumphal "Entry"
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has anyone said the pearly gates?
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A Slave to All
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seriously? Dude!
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the scourging at the (of the) pillar -
the washing of the feet (fetish)
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the agony in the garden
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St. Peter
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The words -
"on her knees till noon"
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The "unfit to tie his thong"
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The "Because you are lukewarm, I spit thee out"
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Haha, this is the biggest group of blasphemers I've ever laid eyes on. I love it!!
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Strictly speaking, this isn't actually blasphemy. The Bible is not a member of the trinity, even though some Baptists seem to consider it one. -
Still not going there -
Why? Let's pillage the IDOLS!!!! BURN EM' ALL, OLD TESTAMENT STYLE!!!
(Besides, honestly, sin is what disgraces God. This is just hilarious.)
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This is my body broken for you...
This is my blood shed for you... -
Well, I didn't want to be the one responsible for the second coming of this post, but since Jeremy already resurrected it, how about Psalm 23:
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
followed a few verses later by
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me -
You Are Going To Hell
The Bastard Fairies-We're All Going To Hell (Official Video)
(comedy video - foul language warning)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTOffYj5TxU-
Honestly I'm actually a little disappointed. That video was not anywhere near as good as I thought it would be.
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Really? I find it to be absolutely hilarious.
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Honestly I think I enjoyed the singing more then the humor. Here's a good Christian humor piece about Christians in politics:
atlantapoliticsonline.blogspot.com/2009/09/christian-left-supports-exploita...
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