Discussions

What do you think about sex on a first date?

Posted by ModelElaine • 8/22/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: Dating, dating advice, dating tips, MEN, relationships, sex, women

internet-dating-guru.blogspot.com/2008/08/sex-on-first-date-to-have-or-not-...

agree? disagree? opinions on the post appreciated!

User Comments

8/22/08

hellboi

By all means! but i think ur future relationship with that person will probably be based on sex, which i don't have a problem with:)

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  ModelElaine
  
  I don't believe so, and I am a prime example. All the guys I had sex with on a first date asked me to be exclusive-committed with them. In fact someone I am seeing for five months now keeps saying that he doesn't want me to date anyone else but him. And the guy before, and the one before him and the two before that one, and I can continue.
2. 8/22/08
  
  jafabrit
  
  This is true, 30 years later and it is still about sex
3. 8/22/08
  
  MadameX
  
  How does the fact that someone "wants to be exclusive" indicate that the relationship is not based on sex?
4. 8/22/08
  
  barryfromtexas
  
  So is Elaine sayin she has had a lot of sex here? and then..and then...
5. 8/22/08
  
  ModelElaine
  
  what I am saying is that the relationship that starts with sex can very well grow into something more and not just be based on sex. Actually, no I am not saying I've had lots of sex LOL, obviously because it all ended up as a long term relationships
6. 4/24/09
  
  yourfindit
  
  wow, you must be doing something to those guys that makes them want to stay with you.
8/22/08

Aluajala

It depends.
If both partners feel an attraction to each other - than why not?

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8/22/08

deineshd

I would prefer.

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8/22/08

alexmcone

I dont mind having sex on the first date. I dont mind not having it either. It all boils down to how well the date goes. If there's irresistible chemistry then you're bound to have sex.

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  RTBjr73
  
  Gonna have to agree with Alex on this one. Back in my dating days, I can not remember ever having sex on the first date. But my wife and I had sex on the first date (and still are going on 7 years).
  
  For us, it was chemistry.
8/22/08

andpapad

I 'm bored to read all these but I have no problem with first date sex.

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8/22/08

Programminghelp

horrible

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8/22/08

acousticguitarist

Absolutely bloody stupid idea and meaningless

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8/22/08

voodooKobra

It depends on the two parties involved. Obviously if your first date is with someone with a real nasty personality, it's probably not a good idea.

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8/22/08

braincatcher

...as long as you're safe.

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  Aluajala
  
  Yeeah!!! That's the main point here! )
8/22/08

blogonsmog

ModelElaine - I won't ask you for commitment. In fact, who cares about a second date?

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8/22/08

roentarre

Liberating

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8/22/08

jafabrit

neither agree nor disagree. It is a personal decision for others to make and depending on the circumstances and the personalties involved can work out or not.

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8/22/08

xmarks

I like sex on the first date. I like sex on every date but I'm less likely to take our relationship seriously

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  jafabrit
  
  Perhaps that would be a great early indicator for the other person?
2. 8/22/08
  
  xmarks
  
  it just shows that sex and emotion are separated for that person
3. 8/22/08
  
  MadameX
  
  So it says that about you, also?
4. 8/22/08
  
  xmarks
  
  Yes
  
  I wouldn't date me either
8/22/08

lordiwanttobewhole

Its not for me, although i won't judge someone else who does...

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8/22/08

MadameX

So why is it that whenever an important world issue arises for a second time (or more), there's a chorus of people shouting about it being on the front page again, yet everyone is content to discuss this burning question over and over again?

www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/is-it-okay-to-have-sex-on-the-first-date

www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/have-sex-on-the-first-date-agree-or-disag...

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  jafabrit
  
  who knows, perhaps because these are not things one normally brings up in social situations/work places etc and here one can gather a broader perspective. Maybe it is a need to justify their opinions, or actions or lack therof?????????
  
  who knows.
2. 8/22/08
  
  Anok
  
  Was there an entry on BC about a crisis that hasn't been discussed? I must have missed it?
3. 8/22/08
  
  dlowe
  
  I am thinking about starting another thread about you buying a house Anok.
4. 8/22/08
  
  Anok
  
  Sweet. Could you have a fund raiser as well?
5. 8/22/08
  
  barryfromtexas
  
  These are more fun?
8/22/08

GFG

I thought i posted the same thread before and got blasted!?

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  calais50
  
  One thing that irks me is when people criticize people for topics they post. This is a casual forum. We chat, we chew the fat. People should feel free to talk about whatever they want (within reason) without being criticized. This topic is not a hard-hitting topic that solvesa social ill, but it's interesting-and I think that's what this forum is about-staving off boredom and "socializing" with other bloggers.
2. 8/22/08
  
  MadameX
  
  Calais, I agree with you for the most part--I guess we just disagree about what is "within reason". As we've discussed before, we have a number of teenagers and even adolescents in these forums, and I don't think that the level of detail often shared here is appropriate given that. I also think it's unfortunate that, since those with the most liberal sexual views tend to be the ones willing to answer questions like this in public, these discussions create the distorted view that 90% of adults think it's perfectly fine to screw everyone you meet.
3. 8/22/08
  
  calais50
  
  I don't think youngsters should be in forums, personally. There may be some here, but I think if they are surfing the net unsupervised, they will see far worse things.
4. 8/22/08
  
  kristilinauer
  
  "...since those with the most liberal sexual views tend to be the ones willing to answer questions like this in public, these discussions create the distorted view that 90% of adults think it's perfectly fine to screw everyone you meet."
  
  MadameX, I'm applauding you for that statement right now!!!!!
8/22/08

Anok

I actually agree with most of what you said, Elaine.

Points I disagree with:

The ability to get a date or being accustomed to women's attention to me, has little bearing on whether or not a man will respect a woman for having sex on the first date. I think it has to do with their upbringing, social environment, morals, ethics, etc..

Points I agree with:

Have sex when it feels right

Be careful for STDS

Don't assume you know someone well enough to jump in the sack because you've exchanged e mails for a while.

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  GFG
  
  STD... U mean STIs? That's the new definition
2. 8/22/08
  
  Anok
  
  Sexually Transmitted Disease.
  
  STD.
3. 8/22/08
  
  GFG
  
  Now the new medical term calls them STI - Sexually Transmitted Infections
4. 8/22/08
  
  MadameX
  
  Is "disease" politically incorrect?
5. 8/22/08
  
  dlowe
  
  POlitically incorrect? Are the viruses and bacteria getting offended now?
6. 8/22/08
  
  GFG
  
  Although the terms "sexually transmitted disease (STD)" and "sexually transmitted infection (STI)" are often used interchangeably, they are by no means identical. STI is by far the more inclusive term. Sexually transmitted infection (STI) is an important and scientifically valid term because dangerous pathogenic organisms can be present in the human body without causing disease. It is therefore appropriate to refer to this condition as a sexually transmitted infection.
  
  Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) result from damage caused by a sexually transmitted infection (STI) that has progressed. Although all STDs are preceded by STIs, not all STIs result in the development of STDs. For instance, about 90% of women who are infected with human papillomavirus clear their infections within two years.[1] Only women with persistent infections are at risk for developing the disease – cervical cancer.[2] It is important to remember that it is not necessary to have a disease, or any symptoms at all, in order to be contagious. Many people who are infected with STIs that have not yet progressed to STDs have gone on to infect other people.
  
  Another reason to learn about the difference between the two terms is that many STDs can be prevented through early screening and treatment of STIs. Since many infections that are highly contagious may be asymptomatic, STI screening should be based on risk behaviors (eg, early debut, multiple partners, anal intercourse) rather than symptoms alone. In this way, infections can be diagnosed and treated before they cause damage and develop into diseases or are spread to others.
  
  I used to work in the DSC(Department of STD control) had to take vaginal swabs to look for STIs like gonorrhea etc...
7. 8/22/08
  
  dlowe
  
  OI Guvolt
8. 8/22/08
  
  Anok
  
  Erm, thanks, dude.
  
  I'm still going to say STD though, as it's common...
8/22/08

kevinatserieatalk

answer: cheap

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8/22/08

calais50

Any guy who wants to have sex w/ me on the first date will not get a second date. I just wouldn't trust them or take any relationship that might follow seriously. That's just me, I don't judge.

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  GFG
  
  ok no second date but what about the sex part?
2. 8/22/08
  
  calais50
  
  Not on the first date, no.
3. 8/22/08
  
  GFG
  
  ok fair enough... maybe on the 3rd date
4. 8/22/08
  
  RTBjr73
  
  Sorry, Robin...but he gotcha there...lol
8/22/08

hayvensage13

I think too many people get set up to get taken advantage of if they have sex on the first date. Been there, done that. I know too many guys who use this sad act (after 'hard' breakup with ex) *rolls eyes* and acts all whiny and crying and like a victim to get girls to feel sorry for 'em and sleep with them.

That's just one example of a ploy used to take advantage of someone who might have sex on first date. I just think it's important to have respect and the upperhand, FIRST and foremost. Then when you've known the person long enough to know they aren't the kind of person to take advantage and etc... and you know that you can trust them,- that should be the right time.

That's just my opinion from my experiences. I agree with some of what Elaine is saying though.

Hmm, now thinking of new post = '10 sex ploys used by guys'... *scratches head*

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8/22/08

kristilinauer

It makes me sad that women do this. I think they must have a very low opinion of themselves if they're willing to sleep with a guy on the first date. A woman who respects herself would use a little more discrimination in who she chooses to be intimate with.

Of course, being a Christian, I think sex should be reserved for a marriage relationship.

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  GFG
  
  so u mean virginity ?
2. 8/22/08
  
  MadameX
  
  I do, too, Kristi, but there is a lot of ground between our view and sex on the first date. One doesn't have to be a Christian to recognize the value of forming a relationship first and letting sex be an expression of the intimacy that already exists between two people instead of a short-cut to artificial intimacy.
3. 8/22/08
  
  kristilinauer
  
  Yes, GFG, that's what I mean. I think sex should be reserved for marriage. Simple as that.
4. 8/22/08
  
  GFG
  
  ok
5. 8/22/08
  
  jafabrit
  
  That is a good choice for you but not always for others.
  My choices led to a marriage that has been solid and happy now for 30 years. I wouldn't say my way is the right way, but it was right for me.
6. 8/22/08
  
  Anok
  
  I'm with Jafa.
  
  I also feel that "low self esteem" doesn't actually have much to do with the choice a woman makes to have sex on the first - or fiftieth date whatsoever. I am a human, I like sex, ergo, if I want to have it, I will.
  
  The stigma (of sex on the first date) is socially constructed - not biologically or psychologically rooted.
8/22/08

flamingpoodle

Well, ok then. When do you want to have this date, ModelElaine?

[reply]
1. 8/23/08
  
  thevagmaster
8/22/08

Financialnut

Terrible idea! Here's the problems with that...

1. STD
2. If you're looking for a REAL relationship, how are you going to know what it's based on? Not having sex will enable you to test a person.
3. Mistakes happen; babies come.
4. If you're okay doing that with somebody you barely know, then more power to you; to me, I think it takes how special it can be right out of it.

... why would you? It feels good and... ? I don't think the trade off is worth it.

[reply]
1. 8/22/08
  
  MelissaB
  
  You make excellent points there.. I don't think it would be wise to sleep with someone you barely know.. After one date -- the consequences definitely outweigh the pleasure.
2. 8/23/08
  
  thevagmaster
  
  Ummm....she didn't ask how you felt about sex on the first date without a condom. You make it seem as if STD's and babies are the inevitable outcome from a casual sex experience....or...oh wait...are you a product of the Pope-mandate and consider condoms to go against the grain of god?
8/22/08

MelissaB

I actually went on a date with someone before & they got mad at me because I wouldn't sleep with them... I couldn't believe it.

I just kept asking myself, "Is he SERIOUS?"

The first date & definitely the last..

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8/22/08

JaydenVasara

i'm not for sex on the first date....

but it's my own decision to wait until i'm emotionally ready before i jump a guy. that said, i have a girlfriend who has sex on (almost) every first date and can't image doing otherwise. everyone's different.

i just can't have sex w/no strings attached - i don't work that way.

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8/22/08

TheBigRuski

How about sex upon meeting like an hour or so later?

Look, I've been there, and done that. Now that I understand that sex was really designed for two people inside a marriage...I have been "saving" myself for the last 1.5 years.

The repurcussions from sex outside marriage are too great. Chance of disease, lasting emotional damage, and more, make it worthwhile to try and avoid.

[reply]
1. 8/23/08
  
  flamingpoodle
  
  Two people? Someone should tell my dad. He was only married to 1 person. I think he was scammed!
8/22/08

melindaville

I think having sex on the first date has the potential to cause problems in developing a relationship. I honestly feel that couples should get to know each other better before having sex--because sex clouds your judgment on who a person really is while you are just getting to know them.

When I met my husband, we didn't have sex for almost 4 months and this was the first time I had ever gone that long. This was HIS idea too--weird as that sounds. What happened is that we became friends first and foremost, which became the basis of our relationship. I think it is easier on a relationship to add sex to it later, rather than trying to add friendship later.

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8/22/08

cooper

.I think sex is entirely personal. I know that sex for the sake of sex is something which is done and I personally don't care one way or another. I believe women have the right to have sex just for the sake of having sex should they desire to do so.

I can't see opinions of others ever affecting my choices though, and because I'm a bit of a germophobe, and very particular, it is quite unlikely a first date, or the first twenty, would include sexual intercourse.

Are the topics here becoming more and more plebeian, or am I just hitting it at the wrong time?

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8/22/08

drjay1966

I don't think it's necessary.
Then, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, either.

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8/22/08

freeatlast

Worse things have happened...

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8/23/08

tiggyblog

Holding hands is nicer.

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8/23/08

KiefersCorner

Had sex 9 times the day i first met my wife, 33 years later i wish i had sex 9 times in a week LOL

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8/23/08

Theresa111

Oh, the sheer bliss of being unattached and unfettered!

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8/23/08

AlwaysInIt

Usually it means I don't expect a second one.

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8/23/08

irtiza104

i am a vergin...aaaaaahahahaha aaaahahahaaaaaa...lol

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8/23/08

Rhumperd

Sex should happen when the parties involved are both ready. It can happen on the first date or after five years of knowing someone, but it should only happen because you want it to. Relax and let it flow.

I've found that those who have artificial timelines and other issues tend to carry those same concepts into any following relationship. And that ain't good.

The only person you got to answer to you.

[reply]
1. 8/23/08
  
  ModelElaine
  
  ditto! that's basically what my post said
8/23/08

theabsolutearena

It's really awesome, even more so when there is no date.

theabsolutearena.blogspot.com/

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8/23/08

weblogian

O I remember,
My wife kept asking me do you really love me? We don't really have time for question and answer and we did it.

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9/02/08

slivatree

Love on your first date? I think if you do you should be careful as they have a stone which is quite sharp at the ends; could be quite painful.

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9/02/08

hippieprincess4

Funny..I was not one to have sex on first dates...but did once and married him....and we are very happy..with four kids...sex life still rocks...

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9/02/08

psychosolodiver

Sex on the FIRST date?

I'm not that sleazy of a guy! I would definitely wait until the second date, as long as it was the next day.

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9/02/08

lotusb

I'm always for sex, no matter the date number. As long as it's between two consenting ADULTS and protected.

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11/10/08

DatingAdviceCafe

I love sex just as the next guy but I would prefer if the women would make me wait.

Why? In the back of my mind if she was willing to sleep with my on the first night will she remain faithful?

At the same time it also depends on the 2 parties involved - sometimes you don't want a relationship and just want sex for the night.

That's what I think anyway...

Andre

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11/10/08

pumpkinlights

I have no problem with it.

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4/23/09

archiegottlieb

completely personal opinion: i think people who sleep on the first date are insecure, unbalanced, capricious, thoughtless, and don't respect themselves. i don't know how it's possible to build enough connection with a stranger to have sex with on the first date. for me it's unfathomable.

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4/23/09

vagi411

Two consenting adults. fine but smart is the key make sure its safe sex of coaurse check out www.vagi411.blogspot.com to get the real on sex ed.

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4/23/09

asaboy666

Well, it should not be. Let the right time comes.

Fried Pal- friedpal.blogspot.com

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4/23/09

fruitcake

Unfortunately, there is a difference between men and women. If a woman has sex on a first date, she's considered easy. If a man has sex on the first date, it's high fives and a round of beer on the house. As long as you can handle that -- go for it!

On another note, I am attempting to get a movement going so that men have to show more skin, have to get botox and hair plugs (if needed), and wax their "bikini" area before they are considered attractive by the ladies. Care to hop aboard the train?

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4/24/09

idealpinkrose

disagree... because you don't know what kind of man/woman you are dating with. What if he/she has the disease?

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4/24/09

skyycentral

I guess it depends what you are out for.. But I don't think I can.

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4/24/09

thecollegewarrior

hey i left a comment. you're welcome for my valuable input

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4/24/09

LadyHands

The question is why sex in the date?? is this mean of love??

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4/24/09

HollytheHousewife

No it a horrible thing to do!
#1 obvious reasons
#2 there is no such thing as just SEX(even tho people say it is)
#3 why would you wanna sleep with someone on a first date,because if that person is sleeping w/u on a first date imagine how many other first date partners he/she has had! sounds kinda gross to me.

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4/24/09

Epicharis

Date? what's that?

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4/24/09

yourfindit

It could go in any direction. It works for some people, but for other its usually a bad idea.

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4/24/09

shadowmoon87

If that's your aim, go for it.
If that's not your aim, than follow your conscience.

That's what I think.

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4/24/09

nothingprofound

Is this a proposition? Or are you just trying to get me to buy Viagra?

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4/24/09

LisaNYC

Well, I'd say it depends if the prison guards are watching or not.

[reply]
1. 4/24/09
  
  kat822
  
  whooo hooooooooooo careful you might have a scott Jr on the way then he will have to bump you off too Lisa
4/24/09

Floormodel

I've never had sex on a first date, it's just not how I am. I'm cautious and like to know a person better/well before it becomes physical. I'm old fashioned that way.

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4/24/09

LisaNYC

kat822...........hmmmm. What do you mean by "too"? I was thinking of naming him Connor, and I guess I should avoid being around water while I'm preggers, huh?

[reply]
1. 4/24/09
  
  DollinNYC
  
  I would avoid the water at all times!
4/24/09

vulpine

This is really an interesting subject, because I would have said 'No,' myself to sex on the first date. In fact, I essentially said 'No' on almost all my 'first dates' and honestly very rarely had sex of any kind... because I almost never got a second date.

However, I am now very happily married for 9 years because the last 'first date' I had refused to accept 'No' and spent half that first night in my bed. Second date went even better and she moved in with me on the third date. I begin to believe that 'revealing all' is a very good way to get to really know someone.

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4/24/09

othellobloke

If you don't want to fornicate someone on a first date but are still horny... you can always use a dildo and fornicate yourself.

I tend to lose respect for women who I can bone on the first date - unless of course it's quite clear BOTH have set out to do ONLY that.

Had my small share of first date shagging and I stay away from it because as I've advanced in age I tend to fall for women I shag - WHICH REALLY SUCKS!

[reply]
1. 5/11/09
  
  Waltsense
  
  I concur. I don't lose respect for the lady - it just takes some on the intrigue away. Its usually a case by case example but if a women wants to advance with the guy - it usually helps to wait a tad. But nada wrong with a once in a blue moon one night shagging. Us men appreciate it.
5/11/09

BetsyIckes

If the relationship is starts out and is based on sex, once the newness of the sex wears off, what else is left?

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5/11/09

86john

who the hack dig out this ages thread?

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5/11/09

crazedmama

I was never normally one to have sex on a first date just because I wanted to know if the guy was into ME or just trying to get INTO me! lol.. The ONE time I did have sex on the very first date it was just amazing chemistry and we couldnt stay away from each other! 6 1/2 years and 3 kids later we are still together!

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5/11/09

PussDaddy

I probably think about sex on the first date what I think about sex on the fifth date, or tenth date. You know-I should be washing my hair, did I leave the iron on, what time does that movie come on that I want to see-stuff like that.

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5/11/09

Alcomum

If that's all you want, fine. But I don't think it is the basis for a long term meaningful relationship.
Alcomum
www.alcomum.blogspot.com

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5/12/09

durtyd

get it when you can get it! 1st date- next thing to sliced bread
durty-d.blogspot.com

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5/12/09

xnapoleonx

I didn't even dare to look at her boobs for the first 3 dates :')

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5/13/09

oren

i don't mind it if i was to get so lucky..

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5/13/09

m2urray

Well, we're all animals so we should be having sex constantly, after all they say men think about it 95% of their waking time!

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5/13/09

DollinNYC

o well look who's back.. model elaine...

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5/13/09

MissSuzie

If someone is going to judge me because I chose to have sex on the first date, there will be no dates thereafter. Geez, I'm only human.

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